Believe me when I say that I don't always buy a book on release day (let alone a memoir) but to be honest, I have held off all of my audiobooks for a week now ever since I found out that Britney Spears was releasing her memoir.
Britney Spears is a pop icon. A woman who does not need any introduction. But she is a woman so misunderstood and I was one of those who raised an eyebrow during the 2007 hair shaving fiasco. She is owed tons of apologies so I knew I wanted to read or listen to her book the moment I was aware of it. I was looking forward to knowing how she would tell her story now that she's out of her conservatorship.
I listened to the audiobook which is 5.5 hours long and the print length is 287 pages. Britney Spears did the introduction which was really lovely but in the audiobook, she did mention that she will be only reading a small part because reliving what was in the book was already too heart-wrenching for her. Michelle Williams read the rest of it. Links to the Audible and Kindle versions for Canada site users below:
- Non-affiliate Audible Canada link: https://a.co/d/hyEqRkp
- Non-affiliate Amazon Kindle Canada link: https://www.amazon.ca/Woman-Me-Britney-Spears-ebook/dp/B0BL1LWW6H/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
SPOILERS AHEAD. On the next few parts, I will highlight some parts of the book in case you don't want to read the entire thing. But if you're interested in Britney's story, I suggest you read the book too.
Her side of the story
The Rise and Price of Fame
In the earlier chapters, Britney talked about her childhood and how she found the love for singing and that father was an alcoholic - that drinking problem made them poor. It also, according to her, took a toll on her parents' marriage and of course, their family.
Britney started joining contests and auditions and she got her first job as an understudy for a theather production in New York. There was no time to be a child or to make new friends as she was working. This, unfortunately, is the reality of a lot of child stars. As an example, she was supposed to perform in Christmas which she did not want to do so they went home. After that, she auditioned for The Mickey Mouse Club where she also met fellow stars such as Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling and Cristina Aguilera. She went back to her hometown Kentwood after The Mickey Mouse Club ended. By 13, she said she was drinking with her mom and smoking with her friends.
She talked about how she got her first record deal in New York and her early recording process and even at a young age, she knew exactly what music she wanted to bring out.
“That's probably the moment in my life when I had the most passion for music. I was unknown and I had nothing to lose if I mess up. There’s so much freedom in being anonymous”
-Britney Spears
As she rose to fame, so did the criticism on her music and her body. She also noticed how she was being so sexualised and that people focused on her sexuality rather than her music.
It is also worth noting that when she started making money, she built her mom her house and settled her father’s debts. She said she wanted to give them a clean slate.
The mess that was Justin Timberlake and her first marriage
So what really happened between her and Justin Timberlake? For years, stories were told but I don't think there ever was a raw confession from Britney. Well, she unraveled the truth in this memoir. She loved Justin and she loved him too much at a fault. The young and wild love was so much alive in both of them. And she knew that he loved her too.
However, she also knew that he was repeatedly cheating on her but turned a blind eye and she never said anything because she was so in love. Britney also admitted to cheating on him once which she also said that she confessed to Justin. But they stayed together.
TW: Ab0rt!0n. The big revelation was that she did get pregnant with Justin’s baby. She didn’t think of it as a tragedy. Justin was not happy who said they were not ready to be parents and he was not ready to be a father. So she agreed to terminate the pregnancy.
The ab0rt!0n was done at home. They did not even take her to the hospital even though she was in excruciating pain. What I found the most pathetic part of it was that even though she was in so much pain, Justin took out his guitar because he thought the music would help her. Like WTF?!
"It took hours and I don't remember how it ended but I do, 20 years later, remember the pain of it."
-Britney Spears
Anyway, eventually Justin broke up with her via text and later on went to paint her in a bad light through his album because that kind of rage sells songs.
She was even forced to do the interview with Dianne Sawyer and she was accused of breaking Justin Timberlake’s heart. Britney was already feeling so socially anxious so it was understandable when she said this interview was her breaking point. Just for reference, below is the interview that Britney was talking about.
She also talked in the book about the time she got so drunk and married in Vegas to one of her childhood friends. She woke up the next morning not even immediately remembering what happened. The marriage lasted only a little more than 50 hours and was annulled. It was like the exact scene at the FRIENDS episode where Ross and Rachel got married in Vegas except Rachel never get her annulment.
That tragic second marriage behind closed doors
Her whirlwind romance with Kevin Federline felt like an escape for her. She was again, so in love, so she let it go when she found out that he already had two children and did not tell her. According to Britney, Kevin started to change when he started to get some press for himself.
It was crazy how she was forced into the divorce filings which also meant that she had to deal with the bad press because she was the one who filed. She also had to pay for his legal fees.
Based on how the media painted her back then, it was really surprising how she does not actually have a drinking or a drug problem.
Shaving off her hair. She was just simply out of her mind with grief. Her children were just taken away from her by her then husband and she was not allowed to see them despite her efforts. She was blindsided and she was hurt. She was scared that her children would take her not seeing them the wrong way. That act of defiance was her way of sending the middle finger to the entire world. Even her own family turned their backs against her. The worst thing about her divorce was that she was the one who moved out of her home that she loved.
She did everything that she can to get her children back and even went to rehab when she knew herself that it was not what she needed.
"That winter I've been told it would help me get custody back if I went to rehab and so I even though I felt I had more of a rage and grief problem than a substance abuse problem, I went."
-Britney Spears
The Conservatorship
In the book, Britney tells the story of how her conservatorship came to be and more personal details about what came with it. Her father took a higher salary more than he was paying Britney. She said he wanted far more control. She was not even allowed to hire her own lawyer. They monitored every move she made and treated her like a dangerous criminal.
She said was deceived by her own parents and those who wanted power over her estate and her life.
She was shocked how the state allowed a man with a character like her father control her life when they claimed that she was so irresponsible that she was not even allowed to drive her own car.
"Too sick to choose my own boyfriend and yet somehow healthy enough to appear on sitcoms and morning shows and to perform for thousands of people in a different part of the world every week."
-Britney Spears
She may have just been framed into a situation just so people aroundher could leech off whatever they can out of her. This part was specifically was as disheartening as it could get. She basically was just a cash cow for all those people and there was nothing she could do about it.
For thirteen years that was her life and she played along with it because she thought if she was good, she could spend time with her children again. She even did everything she can to appease Kevin Federline in order to take her children with her on tour. Her children were the most important thing for her so she decided to lay down her own freedom for them.
In conclusion...
For Britney to survive all of what she has been through, all I can really say that she just deserves all the happiness in the world. For years she was just constantly getting used by everyone around her. I cannot help but think that if I was her, I would have gone haywire early on. Like many other survivors, I wish she didn't have to be so strong but I am so happy that she is free now. I hope this is something that she would be able to keep for the rest of her life.
It is very important to know though that not one bit...not even just once did she say anything bad about her sons. She only told of how much she loved them and all their happy times together. The book is actually dedicated to them. That in and of itself is one testament how good of a mother she is.
In case it matters to you, I would like to mention that the book was ghostwritten by Sam Lansky.
This a heartbreaking but truly a beautiful story of a painful breakthrough freedom. If you were one of those people who wondered the story behind all the crazy years, I highly suggest you read this book. There's so much more to it than what I highlighted in this post. I ate through this in less than a day and I don't regret it one bit.
Because of how they treated me, for years I lost touch of my creativity.
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