We have gone and used the term “middle child syndrome” more too often than we like to admit. What I did notice was that there were no specific terms for the disarray that happens to other Filipino children who are not so lucky growing up - and I am not even talking about money because some people are fortunate enough to grow up in a comfortable life but still come out broken as adults.
It’s sad how much of people my age are spending a chunk of their adult life healing from their past just to make sure they don’t pass the curse on to their children, anyone who looks up to them or simply for themselves.
How many adults do you know are still trying to unravel the threads that have been binding them for so long?
Those threads, those little and big bits of pain that eldest Filipino children tried their best to ignore, shrugged off and thought maybe if they pretended long enough they won’t feel it anymore.
I don’t understand why adults pass on adult responsibilities to young children who deserve to have normal growth.
I don’t get why they’re expected to look after those who are younger than them just because they’re born a few months or years older…and they’re severely punished if they fail to do so.
They’re also just children. Why are they forced to share the things most precious to them because they’re expected to give way for their younger siblings? What good does that make? Because from what I’ve seen, it just raises a very strong giver and taker dynamic in a family - and it does not take a genius to figure out who is who in that situation. What is worse is that some elder siblings are just too used to giving way that when they grow older, they think sacrifice is always necessary for love and that puts them in a very vulnerable position that is very prone to abusive relationships.
Why are eldest children expected to save families they did not choose and did not create?
Why are they made to choose degrees that are high paying so they can pay off loans, homes, education of others, lifestyles, etc?
They grow up not knowing what to do with their lives. Sometimes when they fail on what is expected of them, they take it against themselves instead of realising that they are not responsible for those things in the first place.
I remember a line in a poem by Sarah Kay that says,
“The very ones you are trying to save are the ones standing on your cape”
That is a sad truth for a lot of eldest Filipino children. Some are forced to put a hold on relationships, passion, dreams or even just simple small purchases just to take a step forward in saving other people.
And when they fail or even just stumble a little, all eyes are on them.
They are expected to be strong without any emotional support.
They are expected to give because they were born first.
They are expected to live for others and answer for the consequences of those who came after them and even for the adults who came before them.
Yet, no one is there for them when they need it the most.
When they look for someone to stand up for them, they are left defenceless.
They’re not chosen enough because the adults who were supposed to be there for them think they just have to “get it together”. They're thrusted into a cruel world without any support system because that's apparently how you learn to be strong.
I don't think there is a need to ruin someone just to learn strength. There should be other ways. There ARE other ways.
They don't need to be forced to be perfect just so they will be good role models. Adults should be the ones to take on the responsibility of being good examples to their children - not the other way around.
Why can’t we stop breaking the souls of our eldest Filipino children?
Why can’t we let them have a childhood they deserve?
Why are they hated for at times wanting to choose themselves?
Because I have a feeling that if we get to choose in which order we’re born in a family, I doubt anyone wants to go first.
No comments
Post a Comment