Yes, I am aware of what I look like. I have a mirror.

For the longest time I was puzzled how there are people who can look at others in the eye and tell them the most obvious comments about their physical appearance. It was like an odd Facebook comment that was said out loud. 

At first I thought it was to help, but they were not the doctors. Then I thought maybe they just had nothing to say - but what about the weather or the thousand small talk topics? Or perhaps they just were not aware that the person they're making the comments on actually know what they look like?

Guess I'll never know.

I do have my fair (or maybe too much of it) share of these comments that seemingly come out of nowhere.

Looking how I look like, I've been told many things. 

Whatever you can come up with have been told right in front of my face, right in front of my face with a laugh, behind my back or the entire neighborhood.

 

When I was younger these things did nothing to my confidence. I was told that too fat, too thin, too wide, when I was just going through puberty. 

It did not help that I have the most frizzy hair and I hated myself for it instead of realising that I just needed to lay off a bit on the hair washing and actually use appropriate products for my hair type.

I was even told I should shave off my gums to make my teeth look normal. 

For the longest time, I believed  this and didn't smile properly. It was only until recently that my husband persistently encouraged me to smile how I like to smile and not care about how other people see or think. And while we're on this boat, my dentist told me that other than the alignment that needs to be fixed SHOULD I WISH TO DO SO, what I have is completely normal and my very visible gums are not something that I need to fix. 

Believe it or not, I was bullied for having light skin and I wished I was darker. I just laughed at the memory the moment I grew up and saw how much people are obsessed and are paying just to get lighter skin.

I allowed myself to be picked on based on my choices of clothing by the people who didn't know and dressed any better.

I know I have gained weight but I don't mind because I have been eating so well lately - have you?

 

This is not a pity party.

I wrote this to tell you that I know what I look like and I love myself for it.

I love the visible gums.

I love the muffin top. But I think I'll work on this one next year not because people tell me I'm fat, but only because I want to...and most importantly because I really want to eat some more. 

I am writing this because I want you to know that I know how I look like and I know what things to fix if they do need some fixing.

I have learned to love myself enough not to let anyone bully my self confidence out of me ever again.

 

I know what I look like.

I have a mirror.

♡