I Spent the Festive Holidays Alone and No, I Did Not Feel Miserable About It

One might wonder why I'm writing on this topic during the time of the year when there's no festivity going on and we're just setting ourselves up for another blazing summer.

Truth be told, I went back and forth on whether I should write about this or not because I did not want anyone to feel sorry about solitude. So I just decided to post this off-season just so there won't be any festive feelings getting in the mix. One thing I am so sure of is that I did not write this for pity or to get an invitation on the next holiday.

 

Contrary to what society is used to, other people really don't mind spending time alone.

This is why I do not feel comfortable of the idea of just hopping in to someone's table when they're eating alone because what if it was their only time of the day for themselves and some stranger decided to pity them and strike a conversation?

Anyway, I currently live away from family and for the last festive holidays, I was alone. Well, not 100% because my sweet boyfriend really did take the time to video call me throughout the season...and I do have a dog who always makes his presence known. 

The thing is all my life, I was led to believe that these types of holidays are always to be surrounded with people. It was almost a requirement. A few Christmases ago, when I spent them away from family, I forced myself into being with people I was not so comfortable with just for the sake of "belongingness". Then, I realised I wasn't so happy at all.

I was not happy getting picked on what I wear, what I ate and just basically for who I am.

 

I got gifts but with that I got the fear of expectation of giving back something in return whether it is another gift, blind respect or a piece of my mental health for sacrifice.

For so long I thought the misery was worth it because hey, I get to be with people for the holidays, right? Wrong. And I only realised what was truly worth it when last Christmas, I spent decorating, cooking and celebrating just for myself. 

I realised that in order to truly feel the festive season, you have to have the peace and comfort whether it be alone or it be with the people you genuinely care about and genuinely care about you. It is not about how many parties you are a part of, how many people wish you a merry Christmas when the clock strikes twelve, how many presents you get - if you are with the wrong people, all of the adrenaline will just evaporate on Christmas morning.

The festive seasons, it's really about who surrounds you rather than whether you are surrounded or not. 

 

It's being with the right people and even if it means that you'll be your own "right people" for now, that enough should be enough to keep warm and loved.

I am very much looking forward that soon enough, I'll be able to spend the season with the people I want to be with and genuinely care about. It's only a matter of time.